Behind the Inhaler Pt. 14

This is just one of those weeks. You know the type of weeks I'm talking about, don't you? Where everything is just off.

To begin I think I jinxed myself with my last blog. I talked about how I didn't get a sinus infection last year and how I hoped to go all winter new disease/illness free. Here I am with my newly diagnosed pityriasis and swelling sinuses. I'm just sitting here cracking up like an idiot because my life is just so messed up. I mean this in the most positive way too. I just find it sickly amusing how strange illnesses always seem to appear in me and none of my friends/family.

I've been dead tired all week due to the fact that my immune systems working triple time. Monday people kept asking me if I was depressed, to which I responded "my face is just naturally critical." Yesterday was absolutely painful. I'm so tired I can't even remember why...but I know I didn't enjoy it. Today was pretty OK. I would have like to have been less tired/sick/dysfunctional. I went to Jefferson for the Spanish 3 language trip. I actually had a lot of fun which says a lot seeing as I'm not a big fan of kids. Just a few hours ago I went out to the barn to ride Peeper (Peter) and he was pretty much dead lame when I got there. My trainer and I think it's the cold mixed with his old bones. I'll be injecting his hocks this weekend in hopes it'll help. Total downer to my day, I hate seeing my boy in pain. Instead I road Ringo who is always a blast seeing as he's a retired National Reining Horse Champion.

These Spanish projects combined with my exhaustion have led to some deep thoughts. It seems like just yesterday I was sitting in 5th grade nearly crapping my pants at the chance to hit a pinata...but here I am now on the other side. I can't believe it's been six years. I remember the Spanish kids coming so vividly. Thinking "that's so long from now," "they're so cool," etc. Now I am one of those High School kids. I have my license now, I remember thinking on my brothers 16th birthday "he's so old now." I've become one of the advanced riders who I used to idolize when I was a kid. I guess what I'm getting at is that life goes by so much quicker than we realize. I find it so strange that I can say terms like "old friends," since when do I have "old" friends? What dictates an "old friend?" Is it one of those unspoken rules like walking on the right? I guess you could say I'm afraid of growing up when really I know I'm afraid of failure. I'm so afraid of failure the thought of it makes me sick. But I never fail by others standards it's always my own. I always feel like I'm letting myself down. That I could have done this, should have know this.

I wish I would have know as a 5th grader what I know now. I wish I would have appreciated the time I had more. But I guess that one of life's greatest mysteries is life itself. Like a protagonist in a mystery novel I was naive and unsuspecting. I didn't realize that the antagonist was staring me in the face. 

A song that basically sums up everything I've said in the past two paragraphs is called Vienna by Billy Joel (click to listen). It truly is a great song (in my opinion).

Peter chilling with his sheet on.

Peters stall last year. Letter to Santa and all. Yes I realize how crazy this must seem but it's all in good fun. I had Christmas lights up too but he was so afraid of them I had to take him down.

A gingerbread house I made in 2009...not my best work haha